


Out of the Woods

by iwantthemtostay



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:03:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2637284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwantthemtostay/pseuds/iwantthemtostay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We were built to fall apart, then fall back together"</p><p>A world in which Tessa and Scott retired following her second surgery. They're brought back together, but can things ever be the same (or do they want them to be different)?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Out of the Woods

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to icedancedreamer without whom this wouldn't have happened. <3
> 
> Also thank you to Taylor Swift whose album is providing me with songs for chapter titles.

_We were built to fall apart, then fall back together_

 

Summer 2013

Of all the tests Tessa has been put through chemistry testing with Scott is not one she expected. But here they are, commentating on old footage in a CBC basement. She had never wanted to commentate - she's only recently been able to even _watch_ her old friends and rivals compete, but PhDs cost money. She has no idea what has motivated Scott to agree to this. It's not like they talk much anymore. Maybe they need chemistry testing after all.

It's funny, but here in this darkened room they communicate better than they have in years. Some things never change - he is still all about technical elements and levels while she talks about hand movements and expression. And it works. There's a connection, a rhythm that is all theirs.

So she doesn't understand that when it's just them all that ease is gone. It's as awkward as any of their other interactions over the past few years. All the stilted conversation at parties and events where people still expect them to finish each other's sentences and sparkle like the old Virtue and Moir.

"Well, guess we'll be seeing a lot more of each other now," he comments after the producer offers them the positions.

She tries to smile, tries to act as if she is prepared for this, for any of this. Tries to act like this, how they are now, doesn't all hurt just as much as her legs used to. As they still do sometimes.

"Our moms will be happy," she offers. Their mothers have been the ones keeping them afloat, resolutely inviting the other's family to all important events and varying between ignoring and obsessing over the fact that their youngest children can barely talk to each other.

"Skate Canada too." The federation has not been impressed with their lack of shared appearances, or Tessa's lack of appearances in general.

"Yeah." She rubs concentric circles into her legs before she gets up. "I should go. I'll see you..."

He can still finish her sentences after all. "See you soon, Tessa."

She stops and holds her breath for a minute. That was the last thing he said to her the last time they had spent any significant time together.

He lied.

 

It feels like a tryout. Skating with the girl he spent most of his life with feels like a tryout. They stroke around hand in hand and he has never been so nervous, so unsure. They're shooting some piece for the network to introduce them as the new commentators. It's a job Scott has always been interested in but he doesn't know what Tessa wants from this. He doesn't know how he'd go about finding out either.

After a while he begins to relax, or maybe she does. It almost feels right. He's still on the ice all the time due to his coaching work at the Ilderton rink and with Skate Canada, but he doesn't know if Tessa ever skates anymore. He wonders if she does, imagines her spinning around on the ice. Or is it too painful? He keeps searching Tessa's face to see any hint of pain but he doesn't even know if he'd recognise it. She was always so good at hiding things.

They don't do any proper steps, they just skate about and then pose in hold. The cameramen ask them to do a lift and Scott has to explain that they can't just whip out some Level Fours without serious rehearsal time. Tessa mediates and they compromise on him just holding her in his arms and spinning her around.

He has no idea what's going through her head when she looks into his eyes as they revolve again and again. But that isn't all that new.

Holding her though, that is different now. She is different. Her body has changed, he no longer knows the exact width of her waist from the size of his hands, or the feel of her hips under his palms. And in some weird way this almost annoys him. He might never had been able to fully figure out what went on in Tessa's head, but he used to know her body better than his own. At least on the ice.

When the cameras stop rolling they make awkward small talk about their families as they move towards the boards. He hopes this will get easier.

"I enjoyed that," she says all of a sudden. She goes a little pink when he looks at her with surprise. "I still like skating you know. It just got... hard." He nods. Everything got hard.

He notices her grimace when she takes her boots off and it's like seeing a perfect mask slip.

"Are you ok?" He automatically reaches for her hand.

She doesn't take it. "I'm fine." She pauses. "I'm just not used to this."

He isn't either. He isn't used to her, to whatever this is.

"Scott," her smile is back on now, "we should do this again sometime."

The words cut threw him like a knife. It's what she said to him the last time they skated together before her second surgery.

It hadn't happened.

 

_I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free"_

 

Spring 2011

Tessa has never wanted to go the Ilderton Skating Club less in her life. She doesn't want to see Scott skating with anyone else, even if she is the one who arranged it. It seems especially cruel that the tryout is to be held here, the place they met, the place they first held hands. Marina and Igor had seemed to think they were making life easier for everyone but she'd honestly have preferred to go to Canton. She doesn't know why she's pushing herself to watch it, maybe because she knows Scott won't go through with it if she's not there.

She parks her car in her usual spot and begins to massage her legs. She readies herself for what's about to happen. Intellectually she knows this is the right thing. Scott is too good an ice dancer to retire now. It would be unfair for someone with so much talent to stop because the girl they happened to be paired with at age nine turned out to be damaged goods. He's always been better than her anyway, he might shine even more with someone new. Someone deserving of him. Someone who won't break.

Intellectually she knows why she's put this plan into action. But emotionally she's an utter mess. She's always been so good at keeping things separate but it's hard with Scott. He's her partner, he's her best friend, he's _Scott_. And what if this all works out and she's just left behind? She needs him. She wouldn't have been able to get through the past few months without him. He has been at her side the whole time - from when she woke up at the hospital to those failed attempts at getting back on the ice to the realisation that her career was over. She doesn't know what she'd do without him.

She makes her way into the rink, past all the posters of them from Vancouver and the pictures of them as little kids. She wishes she could go back. To enjoy it all again or to stop herself from embarking on this life she can't decide. Maybe life would have been easier for both of them if they'd never skated together.

But then she sees him and she knows she wouldn't change things. He's scowling as Marina and Igor talk at him while simultaneously giving Vanessa and her mom side-eye from across the rink. He looks so young and it reminds her of when he didn't even want to hold her hand. Or later, when he was too "cool" for ice dance and tried to pretend that he didn't even want to come to practice. Or when he was unimpressed with the score the judges had given then and she'd have to squeeze his hand and whisper _sportsmanship, Scott_ in his ear. His expression softens when he sees her but he still looks uncomfortable.

Marina has a much more effusive response to her arrival, "Tessa darling, how are you?"

She clutches Tessa close to her and Tessa tries not to suffocate from the overwhelming amount of perfume. "I'm ok."

Igor pats her arm gently. "How are your legs?"

"They're working I guess," she tries to joke. Sometimes that is about the only good thing she can say about them.

Scott shakes his head. Her legs aren't working to the extent she'd like them to either but at least she can walk from place to place now.

"Well," Marina claps her hands, "we should get to work." She beckons Vanessa over in that imperious way of hers and it strikes Tessa with a tinge of unexpected sadness that Marina may never beckon to her like that again.

Vanessa duly comes after looking to her mother for reassurance. Tessa understands why she's so apprehensive, this isn't a situation she'd want to come into either. As difficult as it might be it does seem like the best thing for everyone. Vanessa has recently split with her partner Paul and if the two best Canadian teams are finished they might as well try and make a new one from the ashes.

Igor starts giving Scott and Vanessa instructions. Marina takes Tessa by the arm, "We shall go sit over here. We can get a better look."

Tessa smiles at her gratefully. Scott looks up at her and she smiles at him, trying to tell him that everything will be alright.

 

He doesn't know how she can smile. This is such a fucking mess. He wants to get up and leave but Tessa is looking at him with all this hope in her eyes as her little fawn legs carry her over to the seats they used to sit on during their breaks from practice when they were kids. He can see the way she's leaning a little more than is natural on Marina's arm. Her legs are working she says. Sometimes he thinks he can feel the pain radiating from her and he just wants to take the full force of it rather than the after-effects.

"Scott," Igor's voice brings him to attention. "Take Vanessa's hand."

Vanessa smiles at him weakly. He looks over at Tessa, who nods.

He takes her hand gingerly in his. It feels all wrong.

"Now, stroke around the rink."

They start to skate. He thinks Vanessa is trying to catch his eye but he really has no interest. She's a lovely girl and a very nice skater, but she's not Tessa. If he had any ideas about competing with anyone else this experiment is just serving to show what a terrible experience it would be. There's nothing here. When he skates with Tessa, even just like this, there's always this connection. It's not just that this is new - he knows that their skating isn't going to match and he won't be able to intuit a new partner's movements like he would Tessa's. But there's this _something_ when he skates with Tessa, something he can't explain but he's only felt with her. It's been there from the very start so he knows that this can't be taught or developed.

He's known all along that this was never going to work. He has no desire for a skating career without Tessa. It hurts him how much she seems to want it for him. Does all the time they had together mean so little to her that she thinks he can just take up with someone else? Does she not know what she means to him?

If he were the one injured he wouldn't want her skating with anyone else. He knows this probably makes him a terrible person. Part of him likes to think he would be able to put her first, but he is too self-aware for that. It's possessive and stupid but on the ice Tessa is his and he wouldn't be able to see her with anyone else. So he doesn't understand how she's sitting there serenely watching him glide around their childhood rink with someone else.

 

"Tessa, could you hold my arm a little less tightly, please," Marina says out of the corner of her mouth.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" She releases her grip on her coach's (can she still call her that?) arm.

"It's ok. Maybe you should put your legs up, they hurt less that way, no?"

Tessa nods, turns around slightly and raises her legs so that they're resting on the seat beside her. "They've been better recently, I swear. I don't know what wrong with them today."

Marina sniffs and sweeps her arm over the sight in front of them where Scott and Vanessa are stroking around the rink. "Yes, no reason for you to be in pain." She looks at Tessa intently. "Mind and body and heart are all connected. This is not making you happy."

"Of course it's not making me happy! But this isn't about me, this is about Scott. He shouldn't be held back just because my legs turned out to be fairly useless."

Marina clucks. "Those legs won many medals. They danced many beautiful dances, and they can in future too. Maybe not in competition but, this may come as surprise, competition isn't everything."

"Scott needs to skate. He needs to compete, he thrives on that," she says stubbornly.

"Yes. He is thriving out there now," the Russian woman says with the enthusiasm she usually reserves for when Scott is messing around and she's too tired to shout at him.

Scott does look pretty miserable. She wishes he'd give this a chance, or at least make it look like he was. Maybe Vanessa wasn't the right choice. She's heard murmurings about there being trouble with Emily and Evan...

"This is only his first tryout. You can't expect things to work out right from the start."

"You two did." Tessa doesn't trust the lightness in Marina's tone.

"It was so long ago. We probably aren't remembering it properly. It just makes for a good story." She feels a little guilty for betraying her younger self like this.

"Pfft!!" Marina clearly isn't buying it. "Tessa, why can't you just admit that some people are just meant to skate together, and only together?"

"Because it's not fair! How can it be fair that Scott got landed with me? Look at him!" She points over at his textbook knee bend and exquisite edges. "He shouldn't have to stop because we have this, this _connection_!"

Marina squeezes her hand gently. "Maybe he is only like that because he was skating with you. He is the way he is because of you, just as you are you because of him. Two halves of the same whole."

Tessa shakes her head.

"You say he needs to skate, to compete. Have you asked him what he needs? He might have different answer."

"He doesn't know what he needs."

"Ah! So you know what is best for him!" Marina barks. "Well, I might have other idea about what is best. He needs you. Just you."

Tessa looks down at the ground. She isn't someone to be needed, not like this. When she looks up she sees Scott glancing over at her and she tries to make it seem like her heart isn't breaking.

 

Scott just wants this to end. Igor gestures for them to join him. Maybe it's finally over.

"Ok. That was fine. Now, we will work on pattern dance."

Pattern dance? He actually wants him to dance with her? This girl who is patently not Tessa?

Igor pushes him towards Vanessa. "Simple waltz hold." He forces Scott to put one hand on her waist and the other at her shoulder.

"Do you want me to put on some music?" Tessa calls out in this cheery voice.

"NO!" he shouts out. He steps away from Vanessa, who looks faintly relieved.

"There isn't going to be any music. There isn't going to be any dancing. This is over."

Igor says calmly, "Just take a moment to think. There's no need to make any hasty decision..."

He cuts him off. "This is ridiculous. It's a fucking mess. I have no interest in finding a new partner, I don't want to skate with anyone other than Tessa." He takes a breath and looks at Vanessa, "No offence."

She smiles wryly at him. Thankfully she seems as happy as he is to end this pointless exercise.

"Scott, maybe you should..." He turns around to see Tessa leaning against the boards.

He lets out this sound, the one Tessa refers to as his 'anguished sigh'. "You need to stop, Tessa. This isn't what I want. You have to quit pushing me on this. It's over. You need to move on."

His words seem to reverberate around the rink. It takes him a second to realise that they're probably all taking this the wrong way. He meant that he was done with this nonsensical partner search, not _Tessa_...

"I just meant... The whole new partner thing... "

Tessa nods and puts on her press conference smile, "It's fine, Scott, really it is." She clears her throat, "Vanessa, I'll see you soon." She then turns to Marina and invites her and Igor to dinner.

She walks out and he just stands there for a minute and wonders how he always manages to say the worst thing at the worst possible time.

Vanessa gives him a sympathetic nod before heading over to her mother who is already packing up her things.

"I should go talk to Tess," he murmurs to Igor.

Igor claps him on the back. "You two will be ok. Maybe this was not ideal way to tell her but she will understand soon."

"She'll understand what soon?"

"That you shouldn't be skating with anyone else."

Scott is taken aback. He'd expect this from Marina but Igor is all about technique and precision, the only connection he cares about is their blades with the ice.

"When I saw you skating today... It was not right. You and Tessa, that was special." He looks thoughtful. "It doesn't happen very often. I am proud to have been your coach."

The seriousness with which he says this statement and the look he gives Scott as he shakes his hand makes the moment mean more than the tears and hugs he'd gotten from Marina when they told her Tessa wouldn't be skating anymore. There's a finality to this that makes it clear to Scott that his life as a competitive figure skater is really over.

He considers going and getting drunk.

Instead he drives to Tessa's house. She's been staying with her parents while recovering from her surgery and he'd been spending a lot of time there until she'd started developing her plans to find him a new partner.

He knocks on the door. Kate lets him in and just points upstairs.

He lets himself into her room. The lights are off and she's lying on her bed.

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it. I just want..." She sits up. "Oh, it's you."

Her hair is a mess and he can tell that she's been crying. He sits down beside her and takes her hand in his.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" She's smiling at him weakly as if acknowledging that there are too many things to count.

"Everything."

"Me too."

She lies back down and he mirrors her. They look up at the stars he put up on her ceiling that summer she was ten.

They were both really into stars and space back then. They got books from the library and tried to persuade their parents to let them camp out so they could stargaze at night. The Virtues hadn't allowed it so he'd saved up his pocket money and bought her ones that glowed in the dark.

"They still work," she says softly.

"Yeah." That was one of his better plans clearly.

He remembers being so confused as to why the moon was called the Sea of Tranquillity when there was no water there. Tessa had just shrugged and said it sounded pretty. He feels like there's a sea between them now, but not a particularly tranquil one.

A sea of things they've never said. A sea of things he doesn't understand. He doesn't know what she's thinking. He wonders if she's blaming herself and hoping she isn't. None of this is her fault. Sometimes he thinks it might be his.

He meant it when he said he was sorry for everything. A part of him believes he brought this down on them. Before Tessa's first surgery, after Gothenburg, he remembers telling himself that if Tessa couldn't skate again it wouldn't be the end of the world because maybe then they might be able to be together.

That thought had taunted him as he'd watched Tessa put herself through hell to win the Olympics and again as she went through another surgery to keep their dreams alive. It's like he cursed them, cursed her, by putting his selfish wants above her for as long as a daydream.

He doesn't know how to begin to tell her all this so he just stays silent.

 

The silence is both oppressive and peaceful all at once. She doesn't think Scott has ever been this still in all his life. She almost gets a fit of giggles when she tries to think how fifteen year old Tessa would have reacted to the idea of Scott in her bed.

She wonders what he'd do if she fulfilled that Tessa's dreams and rolled over and just kissed him. The idea seems almost impossible to her. He is so close, but so, so far away.

"Tessa! Scott! Marina and Igor are here!" her mom calls from downstairs.

They both sit up as if awakened from some deep sleep. "We should go downstairs."

He nods and then fixes her hair.

She murmurs a 'thank you' and follows him down the stairs.

Dinner consists of her parents, the Moirs, and her former coaches swapping stories about her and Scott as they try to avoid eye contact with each other.

Her legs hurt.

He lingers at the doorway when he leaves and she considers asking him if he wants to stay. But she doesn't.

So he tells her that he'll see her soon and with that he's gone.

 

October 2013

Tessa can't help but laugh when her mom pulls in at the airport and they see Scott and Alma in the car beside them.

"See! I told you it was normal for me to drop you off at the airport!" Kate crows. "You're setting off on a new part of your lives and we want to see you off."

Tessa doesn't knows how she feels about her and Scott embarking on a new part of their lives together. They haven't done anything together in years, do they even know how to anymore?

"Did you bring that red jacket? Detroit is cold at this time of year," her mom fusses.

"I lived there, remember?" Tessa teases her gently.

Kate reaches over and kisses her cheek. "You'll do fantastic, sweetheart. Now, have a great time, and be sure to talk to Scott lots!"

She gets out of the car and waves as her mom drives off.

Scott is waiting for her. "You ready for our big debut?"

The first Grand Prix of the season, and their first broadcast, is starting in two days.

"As ready as I'll ever be." That would be not very.

They walk into the terminal together.

She has no idea what she's gotten herself into, or what's going to happen between them.

But, all the same, it feels a little less scary with him beside her.


	2. I Wish You Would

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took me so long! Life has been crazy. I hope people still want to read this. Hopefully the next installment will come a little sooner.
> 
> Thank you to the fabulous icedancedreamer for her great additions and encouragement. <3

_You say it's in the past_

_And drive straight ahead_

_You think I'm gonna hate you now_

_'Cause you still don't know what I never said_

 

Skate America, October 2013

They don't talk much on the plane. Scott cracks some joke about how he wasn't expecting conversation from her this early in the morning anyway. She laughs for longer than is probably warranted. It's strange that he can still make her laugh.

Tessa falls asleep pretty quickly. She looks younger when she's sleeping, more like the girl he used to know. The only thing that is different is that she doesn't rest her head on his shoulder.

 

They leave their suitcases at the hotel before heading to the rink to watch the practice sessions. The receptionist hands them keycards to adjoining rooms and winks. Tessa thinks she must be very out of the figure skating loop.

Their arrival at the Joe Louis Arena is an exercise in awkward. They run into Marina and Igor and it's a muddle of half-hugs and handshakes while their two former coaches eye each other coldly. Tessa is still shocked about their split. At the time she had felt a little like a child who wondered if it was all her fault.

"Scott, I haven't seen you in forever," Marina sing-songs. "Tessa was over with me during the summer, helping with my teams."

He looks at her in surprise. She smiles weakly.

"Well, Scott was helping me out," Igor puffs out his chest slightly. "He has the makings of a great technical coach."

It's now her turn to look at him. He shrugs.

"Tessa is a very talented choreographer," Marina rejoins. "I keep telling her she should abandon all this academia."

"Tessa should do what makes her happy. I know she would be wonderful at whatever she sets her mind to." Igor smiles at Tessa as he pats her shoulder.

"I never said she wouldn't be!" Marina hisses.

"Ok now," Scott intervenes. "We should really get going. Need to get set up for our broadcasting debut."

Tessa nods in agreement.

"You two will be fabulous! Be sure to say nice things about your teammates!" Marina trills.

Igor snorts. "Remember to talk about technique. That is what is most important, not being kind about your friends."

Marina looks ready to launch herself at him.

"Oh, there's Meryl and Charlie! I think they need you," Tessa says quickly.

She and Scott make a quick exit while Marina searches around and Igor takes off.

"So... I didn't know you were still involved in skating that much," he says finally.

"Marina made it seem like a much bigger deal than it was. I was just visiting Meryl and I happened to call in during a practice. We talked about Audrey Hepburn because they're doing _My Fair Lady._ It's not like I did anything impressive."

Going back to Arctic Edge had been harder and easier than she expected. Harder because she'd so successfully been avoiding dealing with her past, and it had brought back so many memories. Easier because he hadn't been there with her so it hadn't exactly been real.

"You're still good friends with Meryl then?" She doesn't know if it's surprise or something else in his voice.

"Now I am. At the beginning... after we stopped... I didn't really talk to anyone in skating."

"I know."

It's not like he was talking to her either.

"We never got to do an Audrey Hepburn programme," he says suddenly.

"No, we didn't." It had been one of the ideas they'd talked about for after her surgery, when she would be healed and they would take the ice dance world by storm again. She doesn't really want to think about it. They fall into another silence.

"You were helping Igor then?"

"A little. It's more like he's been helping me. I've learned a lot, he's a great coach."

"Marina isn't bad either." She clearly sided with mom in the work-divorce. "That's what you want to do then? Coach?"

"I like the idea of commentary too," he smiles at her as he opens the door to their booth. It's really quite a confined space. "But mainly coaching, yeah. Would you like to choreograph?"

"I don't really know," she admits as they sit down. Her knee bumps against his and she jerks away. "I was aiming for my PhD, I'm doing this to earn some money for that, but... After watching so much skating to get ready for this... Maybe I would like it."

The teams down below empty out onto the ice and Tessa feels a pang of something painful in her chest. "I miss it you know."

At first she thinks he doesn't hear her, but then he looks over at her. "Me too."

 

Tessa takes copious notes as she watches the practice. Scott does not. In the beginning he makes a lot of comments but Tessa just 'hmms' and nods. It reminds him of when they tried to study together as kids and she was too nice to tell him to shut up because he was distracting her. That hadn't lasted very long, but they've clearly regressed back to being overly polite.

The practice ends. She sighs and closes her notebook before shaking her wrist the way she does (did?) after she'd written too much in a short space of time.

"I've done research too, in case you're wondering," he feels the need to tell her.

She smiles at him, "I knew you would have. You're probably a lot more in tune with everything than I am anyway. I haven't really been watching the past few years."

He shrugs. "It's not like you missed out on much."

She laughs and he gets that rush of gratification.

"Meryl and Charlie look good," he observes.

"They look incredible. It's hard to imagine anyone stopping them."

"Nath and Fab have done it before, and they have great programmes this year. You're going to love them."

"Oh really?" She raises an eyebrow at him. He probably shouldn't be telling her what she's going to like. He mightn't know anymore. It's not like they've been sharing anything the past few years.

"I'm sure I will," she blurts out at the same time as he backtracks with "Or maybe you won't."

They smile at each other awkwardly.

"Elena and Nikita are doing a _Swan Lake_ programme." He can sense her excitement.

"Just because it's ballet doesn't mean it will be good, Tessa. Did you see that free dance they put out last year?"

" _Ghost_ had its moments..." her resolve seems to weaken as she says it. "They'll be at home so that could help."

"If they win they'd be the second team to win ice dance gold at a home Olympics."

"You have been learning your facts," she says approvingly.

That wasn't one he had to learn. He remembers all the random factoids about their win in Vancouver - youngest ice dance gold medallists, first North Americans, first on home soil, first debutantes... He thinks knowing all these pieces of information about their past shared life made him feel like he still knew her.

"Do you think we can go down and talk to people or would that be unprofessional?" she asks.

"I'm sure we can."

This is going to be fun. While Tessa must have rekindled her friendship with the Canton crew Scott has not. He wasn't impressed with how none of them stood by Igor. If he's being honest though there's another reason for why he hasn't been talking to Charlie and Meryl. They have everything he and Tessa could be having - the success, the multiple titles, the skating with your best friend.

They reach the area outside the changing rooms to find Charlie and Alex Shibutani.

"Tessa!" Charlie calls before scooping her up into a bear hug. Scott wants to tear off his stupid blonde curls. Why does Charlie still get to hug her?

"Please don't tell me you've come to make us work out at the ballet barre again," Alex groans.

"Next time," Tessa laughs. "We were just here to watch the practice."

"It's good to see you again, Scott," Alex smiles. Charlie just nods and shakes his hand.

He notices the look that passes between Tessa and the eldest Shibutani sibling.

Meryl and Maia come out of the changing room. They make a better job of looking happy to see him. They are genuinely excited to see Tessa.

"You need to come look at my dress for the short dance! It's hanging in the changing room," Meryl gushes.

He sees the unhappiness in Tessa's eyes. "We actually need to get going. We're meeting the other Canadian commentators for dinner and we're late as it is."

It's like he can feel the relief rushing through her. "I'll just have to wait for the big reveal! I'll see you all at practice again tomorrow!"

Scott makes his goodbyes while Tessa hugs Meryl and Maia.

"Thank you," she whispers as they walk away.

"It was nothing."

"No - it wasn't. I couldn't go in there and you knew and... thank you." She reaches out and squeezes his hand.

He exhales. "I was just being practical really. We do have that dinner in two hours and from what I remember about how long it takes you to get ready..."

"Scott! It doesn't take me _that_ long!" She grimaces slightly. "I've gotten better you know."

"I look forward to seeing it."

A knock comes on his adjoining door an hour later. He opens it to find Tessa smirking at him. She's wearing this low-cut black dress and her heels are so high that their eyes are at the same level (that might be for the best).

"You're not dressed yet." She runs her eyes over the same clothes he was wearing earlier. He hadn't been expecting her this early. He hadn't been expecting her in his room at all.

"We don't have to be ready for... It only takes me..." he mumbles as she walks past him carrying what looks like an entire week's worth of outfits.

She walks differently now. He wonders if it has to do with her surgery. Her hips have a new sway to them and it's all very graceful and sensual. She bends over and lays out the outfits on his bed. He needs to get a grip and stop trying to memorise all these changes to her body. He looks like a huge creep who's just checking her out (well, he is, but it's for, um, science).

"Show me what you're planning on wearing when we're commentating. We need to coordinate." She claps her hands as if to bring him to attention.

He goes to the wardrobe and takes out the shirts his mom and sisters-in-law picked out for him. He only just hung them up but she doesn't need to know that.

He lays them on the bed beside her outfit choices. She picks up a blue one he's had for years, he remembers wearing it at one of those fancy post-Olympic dinners.

"Did you just hang this up? I can see the creases! Am I going to have to unpack for you like I did before?" She really doesn't sound all that annoyed.

"At least you don't have to pack for me as well?"

"Yet..." she mutters under her breath. "This will work nicely with my navy dress." She lays the shirt on top and he has to agree that they look good together.

"You have a lot of plaid." He gets the feeling she isn't overly impressed as she examines a red and white shirt. "I have a scarf that could go with this one but it's at home... We can wear it next week maybe."

"We probably should have planned this in advance."

"I know!" She blushes. "You're joking, I should be able to tell when you're joking." Her voice drops a little at the end of the sentence.

"I wasn't really. It's a good idea that we match. Here, I have a black shirt I can wear tonight."

She smiles and he thinks it's the first one she's given him in years that goes all the way to her eyes. "Do you want me to leave so you can get changed?"

"I'll go into the bathroom. You stay."

She sits down on his bed. He leaves the door open a crack so that he can hear her.

"It's weird, isn't it? Me here in your hotel room picking out your outfits."

He looks out to see her running a hand down her leg. Are they hurting her? Maybe they just feel very smooth. Jesus Christ, Moir. He raises his gaze to find her staring at him. He finishes buttoning up his shirt and joins her.

"It's like old times." He sits down beside her.

"Except it's not." She can't meet his eyes.

"No. It's not." They sit there in silence, their fingers almost touching.

"We should go downstairs," she breathes out finally.

He gets up first and offers her his hand.

She takes it.

He thinks there are a lot of things he should say to her, things he's never said or hasn't said in years. But he doesn't know how.

Tessa feels the same.

 

_I wish we could go back_

_And remember what we were fighting for_

_Wish you knew that_

_I miss you too much to be mad anymore_

 

Skate Canada, October 2013

It's harder this time around. Tessa had never competed at Skate America so there were no real emotional ties there but Skate Canada holds all sorts of memories...

Winning a silver medal at their first senior GP behind their heroes Marie-France and Patrice in 2006, winning the gold medal the following year, watching Meryl and Charlie win in 2008 as she recovered from her first surgery, nearly having a disaster in the original dance in 2009 only to get the first 10.00 of the ISU system in the free.

If you had told her then that that would be her last competitive Grand Prix she thinks she would have laughed. Sure she was in pain but she had thought that would all be taken care of after the Olympics. Now it seems somewhat fitting that the last Skate Canada they competed in was held in the rink they used to train at in Kitchener. She wishes she had savoured it more.

She's been back ( _almost twice_ ) as a spectator. She and Scott had gone together in 2010 and given interviews all about how they were hoping to be back for Nationals and were planning on defending their World title. He had to carry her to the car because her legs hurt so badly. In 2011 she had been in the thick of her 'pretending that ice dance doesn't exist' phase but had come to the conclusion, with help from her therapist, and her mother, that this wasn't exactly a healthy coping method. She started to reach out to her old friends (but not Scott) again, and to her surprise, they had welcomed her back with open arms. She had become especially close with Kaitlyn Weaver and that is what had brought her to try and attend Skate Canada last year. Try being the operative word, she'd gotten so anxious about having to see everyone and act like she was doing perfectly fine that she'd ended up spending the event parked in her car outside the rink rather than actually going in. Now, a year later, and outside a different stadium, she's thinking the exact same things. At least she's managed to get out of the car this time.

She's obviously gotten better at the watching other people ice dance thing, she's spent the last few months watching endless videos, and she thinks she did quite well in the commentary box last week. It's the idea of having to interact with the endless parade of Skate Canada officials that's keeping her from entering the big doors in front of her. She's sure they'll be unfailingly polite but she's even more certain that dropping off the face of the figure skating earth has not made her their favourite person. She's trying to make up for it now though, she and Scott are signed up for just about every Olympics-related event and she's offered to help with developing younger teams. She is ready to give back now, she just needed some time. They have to understand that, right? She can do this. It just takes one step.

Scott waits until Tessa makes a move from where she's been standing in front of the doors to join her. He hadn't wanted to push her into anything she wasn't quite ready for. She's having trouble with opening the heavy doors so he pushes them open for her.

She looks up at him and smiles ruefully, "It took me ages to get myself ready to open them, and I couldn't even manage it."

"They were very heavy." He may be exaggerating somewhat to make her feel better. "It's hard to be ready to come back to this." He knows why she was standing outside for so long. He'd sat on his hotel bed for about an hour willing himself to go while all that was going through his head were visions of Tessa in old competition dresses and practice outfits. She was laughing or smiling at him in all of them and he wishes he knew how to get those reactions regularly from her now.

She nudges his side gently, "I'm sorry I didn't wait for you. I just needed some time to..."

He squeezes her shoulder and nods. "I know. Me too." He smiles a little ruefully at her, "Anyway, you probably used up all your patience with me when you were packing my stuff yesterday." Tessa and his mom had arrived at his house and proceeded to plan their co-ordinating outfits for the next month of upcoming Grand Prixs and speaking engagements. Apparently he needs a serious wardrobe overhaul to keep up with Tessa.

"No, of course not," she shakes her head.

He can tell by the way her face has fallen that she's taking this too seriously. "I didn't mean... I was just..."

He hears a piercing scream and a blonde whirlwind zooms past him and surrounds Tessa. Kaitlyn stops trying to strangle her and turns to smile at him, "Hey Scott!", before launching into a major hushed discussion with his former (well, he doesn't know if that's entirely accurate) dance partner.

Andrew comes up behind her and smiles at him sheepishly. "They probably won't talk to us for a while. I've learned to clear out for the first few hours whenever Tessa comes to visit because they won't pay any attention to me anyway."

Scott tries not to dwell on the fact that Tessa seems to have been very good at staying friends with some people from skating, maybe anyone except for him. He smiles at Andrew, "It's good to see you."

The last time they saw each other was at High Performance Camp when he'd been giving him tips on their dances for this year. Scott has not been so good as staying friends with people from skating. In some ways being around Kaitlyn and Andrew was even harder than being around Meryl and Charlie. The Americans have all the titles Scott would have liked to have fought for, but Kaitlyn and Andrew have that Canadian Number One slot. It's not that he's arrogant enough to assume that spot would be rightfully theirs if he and Tessa were still competing, he knows how great a team they are and he's happy that Canada is so well-represented. It's just that he still can't get over the sense of unfairness he feels about how all their former friends get to do what they love while he and Tessa were left in pain and away from one another. He's also jealous about Kaitlyn and Andrew living together (he makes a mental note to ask Tessa what in God's name is going on there).

Andrew shakes his hand, "Congrats on the commentary debut last week, you two did a great job." They both look over to see Kaitlyn giving Tessa what looks like a serious pep talk complete with her hands on her shoulders. Scott thinks that that used to be his job, it probably still should be.

"Look how far you've come, you can do this," he hears Kaitlyn intone before giving Tessa a quick hug. "We are both going to kill Skate Canada, ok?" Tessa nods in response, and they turn to face him and Andrew.

"Kaitlyn! Andrew! Now is time for practising not chatting!" Their coach Anjelika comes up behind them looking frustrated only for her face to transform on seeing who they're talking to. "Tessa and Scott! It is so wonderful to see you! Not that I haven't seen you recently, but not together and together," her smile grows even larger, "you are perfect."

Kaitlyn throws her a look which seems to Scott to be telling her to cool it a little.

"We should get to work but we will talk soon! I can't wait to hear you commentate and see those nice matching outfits you wear and maybe if you're thinking about doing some show skating we..."

"Ok Anjelika," Andrew intervenes. "Time to start drilling us. We'll see you guys later." He and Kaitlyn both take Anjelika by the arm and lead her away.

He looks at Tessa awkwardly. "We should probably go watch the practice."

"It seems like people really missed us... together," she notes as they make their way to the commentary booth.

"I think they just missed you at these things," he smiles at her.

She shifts her legs a little. "Well, we're here now."

"Together," he says softly, as if tasting something he hasn't experienced for a long time.

She gives him the ghost of a smile, and they set to work.

 

Tessa paces up and down the small hallway of her hotel room. She is less than excited about tonight's banquet. She's managed the experience of being at Skate Canada surprisingly well until now. Everyone has been sweet and polite about her reappearance on the scene but when the alcohol starts flowing (and it will) there are going to be some awkward questions about where the hell she's been and what the hell happened to her and Scott? These are not questions she wants to answer.

She jumps when someone knocks at her door. She opens it to find Scott. God, he looks good in a suit.

"We, uh, used to always go to banquets together, and I didn't know if you still wanted to do that seeing as we weren't invited last week but I thought maybe you might want..." He babbles on for a bit longer. It's somewhat comforting that he feels as nervous about this as she does.

She reaches out and touches his arm. "Thanks, I'd like that. I just need to get my bag ready, do you want to come in?"

The corridor is so tiny that she has to press herself against the wall to let him past.

He stares out the window while she throws the necessary items into her clutch.

"It'll be fine," he says suddenly. "Everyone's going to be more interested in talking to Chiddy, and Kaitlyn and Andrew than us anyway."

"Sure," she says to humour him. She finishes packing her bag and eyes her heels speculatively. They're very high and she hasn't broken them in yet.

"Do you want me to carry them for you until we get downstairs?"

She looks up to find him staring at her legs. For medical reasons she guesses.

She hands him the black heels (not stripper heels no matter what her mom says) with a thank you and they walk down to the banquet together like they've done so many times before.

Scott was wrong about people not being interested in talking to them. By the time they sit down for dinner Tessa has been told by three separate people (one snidely, one sympathetically, one tearfully) that they had expected her and Scott to be married by now. At least they're seated with the DSC teams who Tessa has actually spent time with in the past three years and who won't feel the need to ask her if she and Scott really retired because they could no longer skate together following their torrid post-Vancouver affair (which she totally wishes she remembers because that idea sounds kind of great apart from the tragic ending).

The only awkward thing about sitting with the DSC skaters is that so many of them are so disgustingly happy in relationships. Dating your skating partner is a risky business but Alex and Mitch, and Madi and Zach, seem to be handling it very well. Maybe having married coaches gives a good example?

"I hate them all," Kaitlyn whispers. Within the space of twenty seconds, they have witnessed Pasquale fix Anjelika's hair, Madi give Zach half her dessert because "chocolate cake is his favourite", and Mitch kiss Alex on the cheek for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Tessa looks over to see Scott and Andrew watching all of this with disgust and giggles. She winks at Kaitlyn, "Maybe you should follow their lead. It's the DSC way." She has maybe had a little too much wine.

Kaitlyn rolls her eyes, "It's not like we've discussed the reasons why that would be a bad idea a million times before."

Tessa pats her arm. It's come up a lot more recently, it appears that living with Andrew does not build an immunity to his many charms. Tessa is of the opinion that Kaitlyn should just go for it, but she thinks a crowded function room probably isn't the best place for laying out her arguments.

"Maybe _you_ should..." Kaitlyn begins teasingly before stopping when Scott and Andrew lean over beside her.

"Are they like this all the time?" Scott asks, cocking his head over to where Alex and Mitch are holding hands and Zach is crooning in Madi's ear.

"Pretty much," Kaitlyn sighs.

"Things are different at DSC," Tessa agrees with a smile. She thinks DSC seems so warm and _friendly_.

"In a good way I hope," Pasquale winks.

She nods and is about to try and come up with some dance related explanation as opposed to a discussion of how his skaters are all loved up when the music starts and Anjelika literally drags him away to dance.

Their skaters soon follow, leaving her alone with Scott at the table, wondering what to do. Should they dance together? She wants to. Or at least she thinks she does. Maybe it would be too hard? Would it bring up too much... stuff? This shouldn't be all that difficult a decision to make. It's just dancing. She snorts, it's never just dancing with the two of them.

 

He should just ask her to dance. It wouldn't be weird, would it? It would probably be polite in fact. She loves to dance, or she used to. He misses dancing with her. He was never quite as good as she was but he thinks that was part of the fun of it, watching Tessa just shine. How hard could asking her be?

He's prevented from finding out when Kurt Browning joins them. They talk about the Grand Prix series so far and have general commentator chatter until he brings up Stars on Ice. Scott eyes Tessa warily, they haven't been on tour since 2010, and he doesn't know how comfortable she is hearing or talking about that.

"So, how are your legs, Tessa? Any chance I can persuade you two out of retirement?" He grins at Tessa - the same hopeful grin he’s always worn when telling her there’s always a spot for them if they ever wanted to return.

Scott bores holes into the back of Kurt's head.

To his shock, Tessa just smiles. "I think going on tour sounds like a great idea."

Kurt turns to look at him and Scott tries to rearrange his features to make it seem like they've actually discussed this, or anything of importance.

The older man grins, "This is the best news I've heard in a long time." He claps his hands, surprised and happy. "You're going to make a lot of people very happy." He shakes both of their hands before heading off looking like his team just won the Stanley Cup.

"So..." Scott exhales.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have just said that. We should have talked... It's just I feel fine, and after watching all this skating and spending time with you..." She shrugs her shoulders apologetically.

"Don't worry, I think it's a great idea too."

"You do?" She smiles up at him shyly. It makes him think of all the times she used to second guess herself when she was younger and look to him to make sure everything was ok.

"I do." He smiles a small smile, his nerves getting to him. "Doyouwannadancewithme?" he blurts out.

Tessa laughs and he thinks he's going to have to repeat himself when she says, "I thought you'd never ask."

There's almost an audible hush when they get on the dance floor but he just ignores everyone else and concentrates on Tessa. Really there isn't any other option when dancing with her. She's all he can see and feel. This feels more natural than any of their other interactions in the past few years.

The song changes and the tempo slows. He doesn't know who moves closer but all of a sudden she's pressed against him and they're just swaying back and forth. He doesn't think they've been this close in years. Their bodies have changed, her waist is different under his hand and their hips no longer meet at the same points, but still they fit together like a lock and key.

"I love this song," she murmurs.

"It's by Rihanna, I thought you didn't like music from this century," he teases, running his hand softly up and down the length of her back.

"Maybe I've changed."

"I wouldn't know." The words are out of his mouth before he has a chance to think.

She stops moving and rests her head on his chest. "Can we not?" She sounds so _tired_. "I don't want to fight any more."

He thinks they've never really fought, and that might be part of the problem. Now doesn't feel like the time to mention this.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." He feels a little guilty at her pained expression.

"It's ok. Let's just... be here." She lets out a sigh and holds a hand against his heart before snaking her arm back around his neck.

Scott thinks that he feels calmer _here_ , with Tessa in his arms, than he has in a long time. Unlike almost everything in his life since they stopped talking this feels right. He wonders if being close to her isn't as much a want as it is a need.

They continue to sway.

 

_We were a crooked love_

_In a straight line down_

_Makes you wanna run and hide_

_But it made us turn right back around_

 

Cup of China, November 2013

Tessa drains the last of her energy drink as Scott fixes his hair. They're just about to film their segment wrapping up the weekend's ice dance event.

"What do you think is in this thing?" she wonders as she stares at the Chinese characters.

"I'm going to hazard a guess that you don't want to know," Scott says drily. "Just be grateful that it kept us awake."

They had been having trouble adjusting to the time difference and the friendly Eurosport commentators had introduced them to a sleek green bottle which they were assured would keep them awake. It was very effective - Tessa hadn't really slept all weekend which had resulted in some interesting moments during their live commentary.

"Here, let me." She removes Scott's hands from where they're currently making his hair situation much worse and tries to fix the damage. "What have you been doing?"

"It was too hot in my hotel room last night so I slept in the bath," he mutters as he tries to avoid looking at the camera man, Jack, who is prepping to go live.

"You couldn't have just turned up the air conditioning like a normal person?" She laughs as she smoothes down his dark hair.

"It was really complicated," he complains.

He has a point, Tessa had resorted to sleeping in a threadbare t-shirt which she thinks might have been his at one stage. (Ok, she knows it was his).

"30 seconds, guys." Tessa finishes her task and returns to her seat. Scott drags his a little closer to her. The green light goes on.

"Welcome back to Beijing where Tessa and I are going to talk you through the highlights of this week's Grand Prix. This competition featured some of the teams who will be fighting it out for medals in Sochi including former world champions Nathalie Péchalat and Fabian Bourzat. It also marked a first in my partnership with Tessa as _she_ was the one to get us into trouble when we received our first complaint."

She taps his arm, momentarily forgetting that they're on air. "There is no need to bring that up."

He winks back, "Oh, I think there is. First though, let's talk about our bronze medallists Madison Chock and Evan Bates."

Tessa looks away from him and towards the camera. "Madison and Evan teamed up in 2011 and are former junior world champions with their previous partners. Like many new teams they took some time to gel but have been making steady improvements and are in the hunt for a spot in Sochi."

Scott nods. "They train at Novi with Igor Shpilband who is definitely the right person to work with on getting those levels. They have a strong short dance this season but Tessa isn't so keen on their free."

" _Les Misérables_ is a bit overused in skating and I think if you're going to tackle something that's been done a lot you really need to bring something new to it. For me, this free dance doesn't achieve that, and I think some of the music cuts may not have been the best choices. If you have to do _Les Mis_ , why the film soundtrack?"

"A good question. I have one for you. What do you think their chances are of making it to Sochi?"

"It's going to be hard to make that American team. The number one spot is Meryl and Charlie's barring any unfortunate incident," Tessa knocks lightly on the wooden arm of her chair, "but there are three great teams in Madison and Evan, the Shibutanis, and Madison Hubbell and Zach Donohue who are working towards those other two places. Based on what we've seen so far I think Madison and Evan could be the team left behind, but it's still very early in the season."

"So you would rank the Shibutanis' Michael Jackson free ahead of Chock and Bates' _Les Mis_?"

Is he trying to draw her into some Igor/Marina blood feud? "I would. I think they're technically stronger and it was a brave decision on their part to go with a programme so different to what they've done previously in an Olympic year." She decides to leave out the information that she choreographed their dance spin while on her trip to Arctic Edge.

"Another team who aren't afraid to take risks are Russians Bobrova and Soloviev who came second here. They won worlds bronze last year and are contenders to medal at their home games. While they have a lot of great qualities - they're fast and powerful and work well in hold - I don't think this free dance does them any favours."

"If I remember right you had to ask me when it finished was he a vampire who had just killed her?" Tessa had proudly managed to stop herself from laughing.

Scott shakes his head. "I still don't know what's going on there. Their free last year was a bit avant garde too but at least you knew what was happening."

Tessa pats his arm comfortingly. "How do you think they measure up compared to the other teams in the hunt for that bronze medal?"

"I think both our own Kaitlyn and Andrew and the Italians Cappellini and Lanotte are ahead of them in terms of programme quality but home ice could play a factor. Their compatriots Ilinykh and Katsalapov, who I know you're very fond of, are skating next week so I'm interested to see how they get on."

"Scott's been teasing me about how excited I am to see their _Swan Lake_ programme for weeks now," Tessa explains. "Now to our winners, reigning world silver medallists and the only team currently competing to have beaten Davis and White back in 2012 at their home Worlds in Nice. How do you think Nathalie and Fabian performed here?"

"I think everyone is more interested in your views on this, Tess. You caused quite the stir during our live broadcast when you said that they were 'bringing sexy to the Finnstep'. People were shocked, complaints were made. Explain yourself."

"I stand by that! I just meant that they were showing us another side to the dance. While a lot of the short dances this season are ballroom or Broadway based this has a different atmosphere, it's more like a jazz club."

" _Sweet Charity_ wasn't set in a jazz club, Tessa. It was quite a different establishment." Scott chuckles and winks.

She rolls her eyes at him. "Anyway, I think it's great to see a team going for something a bit more mature and... sensual. Ice dance can be a bit... staid sometimes."

"In other words you'd have had us doing parental guidance needed programmes if we'd been able to continue." He leans into her slightly, a boyish smile on his face.

She snorts, "In your dreams, Moir. Now back to Nathalie and Fabian - I love their free dance. It's an interpretation of _Le Petit Prince_ and it's so creative."

"They've always had a unique look to their programmes but I think it's also important to make clear just how difficult their work is. It's not just whimsical, they have great technique and are doing some very tricky lifts and transitions."

"That first lift is spectacular," Tessa agrees. "Do you think they can challenge Meryl and Charlie for Olympic gold?"

Scott pauses. "I do. Their short dance wasn't clean here, but I could see these programmes being worthy of a gold medal by the end of the season."

The camera man signals to tell them to wind things up. "Speaking of Meryl and Charlie we'll be seeing them along with Olympic bronze medal contenders Cappellini/Lanotte, Ilinykh/Katsalapov and the Shibutanis next week at the NHK Trophy in Tokyo."

"It's sure to be a great competition. We hope you'll join us. Good night from Beijing." They both smile at the camera.

"Good job, kiddo." Scott puts up his hand for a high five.

"You know, I think we're getting pretty good at this."

"You really are," Jack chimes in. "The chemistry between the two of you is fantastic. By the way, a few of us are going out tonight if you're not going to that banquet."

"Thanks but we have an early flight and we've barely slept all weekend." She and Scott had turned down the invitation to the banquet earlier because they were too tired.

"Barely slept all weekend?" Jack raises his eyebrows suggestively.

It takes Tessa a minute to understand what he's implying. "Because of the time difference! And the weird Chinese energy drinks! And the humidity!"

"We barely slept separately in our separate rooms," Scott adds.

"Ok, you two go back to your separate rooms. I'll finish tidying up here," Jack laughs.

There's an awkward silence as they head out of the building and into the street.

"I'm sorry about bringing up what we could have done if we'd been able to keep competing," Scott says quietly.

"Oh, it's fine! You might have been right about the parental guidance thing actually. That Latin free dance we were working on was pretty sultry," Tessa acknowledges. She feels somewhat mournful, she'd really loved that programme. She looks up at the sky. "I hate how you can't see the stars here. Do you remember how obsessed we were with the sky when we were little?"

"Of course I do." He puts his hand on her elbow as they make their way through the crowd of people. "Just because we can't see the stars, doesn't mean that they're not there."

She looks up at him. "Is that meant to be some fancy metaphor?" Is he trying to make some inspirational comment that their old relationship is hiding behind some smog?

He shrugs. "I think I always liked the stars because it felt like there was a plan, you know? They'd been there for so long that there had to some kind of story for us to follow."

"Like fate?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Tessa doesn't know if it's fate leading them here or choice but she's starting to feel that they're in a better place. When they get to their rooms she hugs him good night.

 

Scott sleeps properly for the first time all weekend. He quickly throws his stuff together and waits for Tessa. She doesn't appear at his door at the appointed time so he sends her a text. And rings. And rings again. Eventually he goes to her room and bangs on her door. After a few knocks he hears her coming towards him and the door opens.

Scott has never gotten used to Tessa, not really. He was definitely not used to seeing her with messy bed hair, and endless long legs, dressed in just a threadbare Skate Canada t-shirt he thinks might have been his.

"Why are you here?" she yawns, bringing him back to reality.

"We're meant to be leaving for the airport now!"

"We're not leaving until... Oh my God! I slept in!" She turns on her heels and he follows her into the room. "I still need to pack! And get dressed!"

"You get dressed, I'll pack." Tessa looks like she's about to argue. "I know your system by now. Go!"

She grabs a few things and goes into the bathroom. He sets to work. It's not the first time he's had to do it. There had been one other occasion when Tessa had slept in and he'd had to pull everything together. That was in Gothenburg. They didn't talk about Gothenburg. Sometimes Scott had felt like it had been the turning point for everything. Their career, their relationship, Tessa's injury. They didn't talk about Gothenburg.

He methodically puts Tessa's clothes into her suitcase and resolutely does not think about how this wouldn't be his preferred occasion for touching them.

Ten minutes later she joins him looking perfectly poised. She squeezes his hand and finishes packing before rising up on her toes to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you." He hopes she doesn't notice that he goes a little red.

They rush out of the hotel and get a taxi to the airport. As they make their way through customs he entertains her with his theory that there was some kind of hallucinogenic in the Chinese energy drink. He had some very weird dreams last night which leads their fellow passengers to look at them funny as he retells them for Tessa. She laughs that huge laugh of hers and it reinforces the feeling he's been having lately that maybe they can return to the way things used to be.

She laughs all the way through check-in and onto the plane before the rush of the morning and the lack of sleep they're still experiencing catches up with them.

She falls asleep with her head on his shoulder.


	3. Wildest Dreams

_And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever_

_But this is getting good now_

 

NHK Trophy, November 2013

Scott can tell from the way Tessa's pursing her lips that she's not happy with how their dinner with Meryl, Charlie, and the Shibs went. Ok, there had been some awkward moments, Scott was still finding his way with his old training partners, but it hadn't been _that_ bad.

"You didn't need to bring up Cup of Russia," she says finally as the elevator makes its way up to their floor.

"We were talking about bad Grand Prix experiences! You've seen that video, you know it was bad!" Scott had shared his embarrassing moments, he wasn't going to let Charlie away with it.

"Maybe there's a reason they don't like to talk about that trip," Tessa says tersely.

Oh. _Oh_. "Seriously?" He had always thought Meryl and Charlie were platonic - in the actual sense of the word, not the Skate Canada variety.

Tessa shoots him a glance which tells him that this subject is not to be discussed.

The elevator doors open. She stalks off to her room and he follows behind her. "Maybe they should talk about what happened."

She throws open the door to her room, puts her back flat against it and flings out her arm, ushering him in. "Oh really? This is your advice? Talking about the past?"

"It could be helpful, getting it out in the open." He presses himself against the wall of the narrow corridor to let her past but instead she stands right in front, not quite touching him.

"Do you want to talk about our past then? Three years of not talking to each other or all that happened before?" She's not even looking at him. Her eyes are trained on his chest.

"Do you want to talk about it, Tessa?"

She looks up and her eyes are dark, as if they're filled with secrets, the type he wishes she would whisper in his ear. "No, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about the pain, and missing you, and being close to you and not close enough."

There's no longer any space between them. She hooks her arms around his neck and looks at him as if she's daring him, "I don't want to talk about it."

"We don't have to talk."

And with that he kisses her. It's needy and it's desperate and it's full of want. It's as if they've been needing this for so long that they're trying to consume each other, to be joined together as if they were never apart.

 

With three steps he moves them to the opposite wall so that her back is resting against it. One of her hands is in his hair and the other is fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. He puts his hand behind her head as if to cushion it and this moment of softness amongst all the craving and desire is almost enough to take her breath away.

"We're friends, right?" she rasps.

He runs his thumb down her cheek, and the look in his eyes is so sweet. "Of course we are."

"And we can do this and be friends? Just friends?"

"Just friends," he repeats and lowers his mouth to her neck. She thinks he'd probably say anything right now, and it's not as if she blames him. She'd tell him anything he wanted to hear just so he'd keep kissing that spot and keep moving his hand higher and higher up her thigh.

"Do you have a condom?"

"In my wallet," he breathes out.

She reaches for the back pocket of his jeans and she must linger there for longer than is necessary judging by the impatient sound he's making. She hands it to him and he gives her a grin so indecent that it's probably illegal in seven countries. "I always come prepared."

She hits his arm while she laughs and thinks that this is ok. They can definitely do this and be friends. She doesn't need to tell him why she can't open herself up to him again and give in to it all.

She puts her legs around his waist and he lifts her up as easily as he ever did, whispering into her ear, "I got you." It's what he used to say when they were trying new elements but she doesn't really process this at the time.

She's not thinking, just feeling. His back under her fingernails, his mouth mapping out her chest. She's not seeing as much as hearing. The sound at the back of her throat which she's never heard before but he seems to love, her name as he says it again and again, sounding just like it did in her dreams. She has dreamed about this before, for months (for years?). But the reality is so much better.

 

Afterwards she untangles her legs from around him and he sets her down gently, some pearl of wisdom from an old coach about how you always held your lady like she was made of porcelain coming unbidden into his mind.

He has no idea what to say so he goes with what he whispered to her at the start of their Olympic free dance. "Hi."

"Hi," she giggles back. He helps her smooth down her skirt.

"So..."

"We had sex," she readily supplies as she bends down to pick up her bra.

"Yes, yes we did." He does the clasp for her, leaving a kiss on her shoulder.

She's smiling when she turns around and starts to do up the buttons on his shirt. "I think it was pretty good."

"I would call that an understatement." He pulls up his boxers and then his jeans while Tessa leans against the wall with a smirk on her face, twirling a finger through her thoroughly messed up hair.

"That's fair." She licks a finger and rubs it against his neck. "You had a lipstick stain there."

"I think I remember that part." She bites her lip and he thinks he can start to see her brain going into overdrive. "This is ok, Tess. It's what we needed. It's what we wanted."

Her shoulders relax. "I know. Um, I said I'd skype Kaitlyn but if..."

He can tell this means that she needs time to herself. "Ring Kaitlyn. I'll see you in the morning." He kisses her forehead as she murmurs good night, and closes the door behind him.

He kissed her forehead? Was that the right thing to do? What was the etiquette when you ... how would he even describe it, fucked your dance partner/co-commentator/best friend against the wall of her hotel room? That had just happened. That had really just happened. He walks down the hall towards his room.

"Scott, are you ok there?" He jumps at Charlie's voice.

"I just had sex with Tessa," he blurts out.

Charlie raises his eyebrows.

"Against a wall. Fuck, the walls are thin. What if Kurt heard next door?"

Charlie frowns. "A wall? This is Tessa, man, shouldn't there have been, I don't know, candles and shit?"

"It just kind of happened. Fast." Not in a bad way. At all.

"Was this the first time?"

"The second, and the first was years ago."

Charlie abruptly stops walking. "When and where?"

"2008 Worlds in Gothenburg, why?" he asks suspiciously.

Charlie fist pumps and then bear hugs him. "I knew it! Bates owes me big time."

Of course there was a bet. "I'm glad I came through for you."

"Do bets increase the longer they go on for? That would be a nice little sum... You don't have any proof, do you? Bates can be tight with money."

"Proof?" Scott’s eyebrows shoot up as he looks at Charlie as if he’s grown a second head.

"Like pictures or something." Charlie skilfully dodges Scott's attempt at hitting him. "I wouldn't really look at them, just to make him pay up!"

"There are no pictures! What would I have been doing taking pictures?"

Charlie smirks. "You had to wait a while for the next time. Might have given you something to remember it by."

This time his fist finds its target. Charlie clutches his shoulder in mock pain. "Meryl and Marina will kill you if you've given me a shoulder injury."

Scott rolls his eyes. "You'll be ok."

Charlie grins back, "So will you. You two are getting it together."

"We're going to be just friends."

Charlie stops outside a room and knocks. "That's what I said about Tanith, who I'm going to see now four years later. It'll make a fun story to tell your kids."

Scott shakes his head, "Good night, Whitey." He takes off before he has to put up with whatever mushiness is sure to be on show.

He texts Tessa good night when he reaches his room. He receives one from her saying the exact same thing down to the matching kiss at the end just when it's sending. They can to this.

 

Tessa doesn't sleep all that well. She just has a lot of thoughts and memories. She really wants to talk things over with Kaitlyn but when she rings Andrew answers and tells her that she's gone to bed early because she's feeling under the weather. This is not something she's going to discuss with Andrew. She tries Meryl but she doesn't pick up, probably because she's asleep too. The only other people Tessa knows very well in the hotel are Maia and Marina, and she isn't going to have an 'I just had sex with Scott' talk with either of them. For a brief moment she considers trying to find Elena Ilinykh before remembering that Elena is kind of obsessed with the idea of her and Scott being together and might freak out. So she tries to sleep and not think too much about it (she's unsuccessful).

She wakes up from some brief rest to a text from Meryl asking to meet for breakfast. She dresses quickly but has to take more time with her make-up seeing as _someone_ had left a mark on her neck, just the slightest, but she was sure to meet Marina and that woman saw everything.

Meryl is waiting for her with two bowls of fruit salad when she gets to the hotel restaurant. "So, did you and Scott work out whatever tension you had going on last night?"

Tessa coughs. "Tension?" Had it been that obvious? She hadn't really been expecting anything to happen.

Meryl rolls her eyes. "You were obviously unhappy with how the dinner went. It really wasn't that bad! It might have been better if Scott hadn't shared his opinions on sibling teams but I'm pretty sure Maia and Alex are used to that by now. Did you sort everything out?" She gets that look on her face which means she's about to tell a joke she's particularly proud of, "Sexually?"

Tessa looks down at her fruit while Meryl laughs uproariously. "Wait. Tessa?!"

She looks up at her friend, face slightly red and gives a little shrug.

"OH MY GOD!!!!" Meryl screeches before dropping her voice to a whisper, "You had sex with Scott!!"

"Casually! It was casual sex, we're just friends, it's no big deal." Just a big enough deal that she had barely slept from thinking about it.

Meryl sits back in her chair. "Casual sex. You, Tessa Virtue, had casual, no strings attached sex with Scott Moir." Meryl looks astounded.

"I did! It's a thing, Meryl. People do it all the time, I- I've done it before." Once. Kind of.

"I know that casual sex is a thing. I know that people have friends with benefits. I think you could do that if you wanted. I don't think you can do that with Scott." She says all of this very deliberately, as if laying out an argument in court.

"It's not like it was before. We're friends, who are single and ... have needs. It, it just happened."

"It just happened," Meryl repeats with a look of disgust on her face. "Things like that don't just happen."

Tessa would usually be in agreement but she can't really think of a better explanation. "This did! One minute we were arguing, and then we were kissing, and then my back was to the wall and..." Her mind drifts off a little. Meryl coughs politely. "Anyway, it doesn't have to mean anything. We're physical people who used to spend all our time touching one another and we haven't been doing that so maybe we just needed to be close again. It was just sex, nothing more." She's not sure who she's trying to convince.

Meryl smiles at her softly, "Tessa, it could never be just sex. When you know someone like that, even if you've been away from one another for a while, that doesn't just go away. With that kind of relationship, it's not just physical, there's always something more." She sighs a little, "It can't be just sex."

Tessa reaches over the table and squeezes her friend's hand. Before she has a chance to say anything Marina and Scott appear beside them.

"Good morning, girls! Look who I found on my way to breakfast! Doesn't he look especially handsome today?"

Meryl kicks Tessa under the table.

Marina continues, "Tessa, you look wonderful this morning too. Did you have a restful night?"

Does she know?! Meryl snorts, "I think it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just casual, right Tessa?"

Tessa kicks her back. Meryl smiles, "Marina, I'll help you decide what to get for breakfast. Scott, you sit down here."

Scott does as he's told. He looks at her intently as she plays with her fruit. " _Did_ you sleep well last night?"

She bites her lip. "Not so much. I was... thinking."

"You, thinking? There's a shocker," he grins. "What were you thinking about?"

"Last night."

"And?"

"I don't regret it. I just... is it going to change things?"

"Not if we don't want it to. Maybe we should try and not overthink things. It happened, we're still us."

Tessa would like not to overthink things, to just shut off her thoughts like she had last night, to just let things happen. "Ok."

"Ok?"

"Let's try that then." She nods decisively.

Scott smiles. "Good." He reaches over and steals one of her strawberries.

She hits his arm. "Get your own!"

"I'm just showing you that I'm not going to treat you any differently because of what happened," he tells her solemnly.

She pulls her bowl closer to her."Well, you can do that without stealing my breakfast."

"Hey Tess," she looks up to see an expression of genuine seriousness on his face, "I'm glad we did this. The whole commentating together thing."

A warm smile spreads across her face. "I'm glad too."

Their relationship might be as messy as ever, but at least they have one again.

 

_I said "No one has to know what we do,"_

_His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room_

 

Trophée Eric Bompard, November 2013

After the free dance is finished and they've said goodbye to the crew they go out into the Paris night. The last time Scott was in Paris was for Trophée Eric Bompard in 2009 and he remembers making this same walk back to the same hotel as they planned their Olympic season under the stars.

"I still can't quite believe it," Tessa sighs.

He looks at her quizzically, is she thinking about the same things he is? That it's crazy that so much time has passed but they're here again?

"Elena and Nikita winning over Nath and Fab, in _France_. How on earth did that happen? Nathalie looked devastated on the medal podium."

"Russia really want an ice dance medal. I just thought they'd be happy with a bronze. If their scores keep increasing... even Meryl and Charlie might be in trouble."

"I'm sure it won't come to that. It was only in the free anyway, Nath and Fab have time to build some momentum again. Elena and Nikita won't be at the GPF and there's Europeans too." He doesn't think she sounds entirely convinced. "It must be scary, knowing that you mightn't get the results you deserve because of politics."

"Are you thinking about Kaitlyn and Andrew?"

Tessa nods. They have their final Grand Prix at Cup of Russia next week where they're going up against the other big Russian team, Bobrova and Soloviev.

"I guess you have just have to skate your best and hope that the judges can't deny what you put out there." He's worried about them too. "Um, I didn't say anything too outrageous today did I?" He'd made it pretty clear that he wasn't entirely impressed with the results.

"No, everything you said was pretty much on the money. I love that _Swan Lake_ free, but I can see it's not perfect. What you said about being able to drive a truck between them was quite accurate."

He'd been proud of that comment, Tessa had had to cover her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud. "I hope Morozov isn't going to come after me for daring to criticise his masterpiece."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you. Oh my God, speaking of Morozov, I had the weirdest conversation with him after the free."

"Weird like he tried to make you his next ice dancer girlfriend weird or just general weird?" Morozov is, in Scott's educated opinion, a total sleazebag whom he would like to keep away from Tessa, and all women, at all times.

"Just general weird, thank God." Tessa shivers a little. "He heard we were going back touring again and offered to choreograph for us. I said we were sorted with offers from Marina, and Igor, and Anjelika and Pasquale. He said something about our chemistry and did this demented looking eyebrow wiggle and I was wondering... he couldn't know about what happened, right?"

"In Japan? I don't see how he could. I've only told Charlie and Chiddy. I don't think they're going to be texting the deets to Nikolai." Chiddy had been mystified by the whole 'just friends' thing, he had actually seemed pretty upset by it and had put his hands over his ears at one point and demanded that Scott refer to the act as "making love" because that was clearly what they were doing.

Tessa shrugs with a hint of an amused grin, "Yeah, I don't know who would have told him. Jordan doesn't know who he is and I can't imagine Meryl or Kaitlyn spilling the beans. Well, apart from Kaitlyn telling Andrew which I'm assuming happened."

"Oh, I forgot about him. Yeah, he messaged me. He knows." He thinks the text ran something along the lines of "What are you doing? Just friends?! Hasn't this been your life goal since we were in Kitchener???"

"He wouldn't tell anyone though. Unless Anjelika overheard them talking about it, or Marina overheard Meryl and Charlie..."

"Tess, if Marina knew about this we'd have heard about it. Same for Anjelika, do you remember what she was like at Skate Canada?" Scott’s eyes grow in size - emphasizing his point.

After she'd seen them dancing together to "Stay" at the banquet she had started babbling about how they needed to dance to it on ice, and about how it would suit them so well because it was about mistiming and an all-consuming love. Pasquale had gently guided her away.

"True. Maybe Russian ice dance coaches are just obsessed with our chemistry."

Scott nods seriously, "Morozov probably picked up on all the sexual tension." The words come out as soon as they cross his mind. He's not sure how she's going to take it, they haven't really talked about what happened, was it just a onetime thing?

Tessa gazes at him innocently, "Sexual tension? When have you noticed this sexual tension?" They've reached the entrance to the hotel. She takes a step closer to him.

"Like whenever I touch you." He tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear and smirks a little at her small intake of breath. "Or when you were staring at my ass when I bent over to pick up that pen earlier."

Tessa looks horrified. "I was not staring!"

He raises his eyebrows.

She bites her lip. "Well, how do you think we should deal with this sexual tension?"

"I can think of a few things we could do." His voice drops an octave as he stares at her waiting for her next move.

She walks backwards through the hotel doors and says teasingly, "We should probably go inside then."

When they get inside the elevator she grabs his tie and pulls him to her. She pauses, and doubt comes into her eyes. "This is ok, isn't it? We're just letting things happen."

He kisses her forehead. "If that's what you want."

She tugs his tie, bringing his lips down towards her. "It's what I want." She kisses him and he honestly doesn't know how he's kept himself from kissing her for the past week.

 

She kisses him and she honestly doesn't know how she's kept herself from kissing him for the past week. They'd met up back home for coffee and she'd found herself staring at his lips almost the entire time. The same problem had occurred when commentating and she was proud she'd managed not to blurt out anything terribly humiliating during the broadcast. She hadn't known until earlier whether he even wanted to have a repeat of anything similar to their ... _encounter_ at NHK, but from the way he is kissing her now she is under no illusions. It feels _so good_.

When the lift reaches their floor they find the hallway deserted so they walk to her room hand-in-hand. Their coats are on the floor before the door swings closed. They've made it to the bed and she's starting to remove his tie when he stops kissing her and holds her hands still.

"As great as last time was, and it was really great, I was thinking that we could take things a little slower this time, be a bit more _thorough_."

His voice saying those words is going to echo in her mind as she falls asleep. She throws his tie on the floor and lays him down on her bed and straddles him as she begins to undo the buttons of his shirt achingly slowly. "I can do slow. I can do thorough." She commits the planes of his chest to memory with her lips and her hands.

The endorphins must be doing something to her filter because she blurts out, "You must still work out a lot." He laughs but she can tell that he's proud (as he should be). "That will be good for when we're doing lifts, now that I'm bigger and all." They're planning to start back training for touring next week. It's not that Tessa worries about how she looks a lot, well, not as much as she used to, but the idea of dancing again after having spent so much time with stick-thin ice dancers recently and feeling out of place is a bit daunting.

Scott raises himself up so that she's now sitting in his lap. "Lifting you will still be easy. You know what you're doing, I know what I'm doing." He runs his hands over her silky red top before lifting it over her head. "When we first started working together again all I could do was stare at you because I was so used to knowing everything about your body and I didn't anymore. You were so beautiful and I just wanted to touch you, to know you." He kisses her all down her neck and chest and moves a hand languorously down her side. He rests his forehead on hers and looks into her eyes, "Tessa, you are perfect."

She has no idea what to say to all this because it's all a bit too much, his words, and his eyes on hers, and his hands all over her. So she just kisses him as he lays her down. He unbuttons her jeans, she goes to help him take them off but he lifts her hands away.

"They're really tight. Are you sure you know how to take off skinny jeans?" He seems to be doing a good job.

"Tessa, if you don't think I've been imagining taking these off you all day than you have much too high an opinion of me."

He smiles in triumph after he succeeds in his task and she laughs at how ridiculously smug he looks. He looks like he's drinking her in and she realises that he probably didn't actually see all that much in the rush of everything that happened last week. She suddenly remembers the scars on her legs and all that they represent - the pain, the end of their career, the end of them as they used to be.

"You are so beautiful," Scott tells her in a tone of complete and utter sincere conviction. He bends over and starts to kiss her legs. She feels the pinpricks of tears in her eyes because somehow he is here, after all that has happened and not happened, all that has been said and unsaid, telling her she's beautiful reverentially, and kissing the legs that ruined them. She's reminded of another time they took it slow, of another time he told her how beautiful she was, of a time before her legs were scarred from surgery and they were scarred from each other. But she doesn't think about that too much because there is so much to experience in the here and now, so much to feel as his kisses go higher and hotter up her legs. He undoes her, he always has.

 

_You see me in hindsight_

_Tangled up with you all night_

_Burnin' it down_

_Some day when you leave me_

_I bet these memories follow you around_

 

Gothenburg, 2008

When they get into his hotel room Tessa spins around, her skirt and silver medal flying in perfect tandem. "We did it!" she squeals.

He grabs her close to him and they waltz around the room. "Everything is going perfectly," she sing-songs, "silver this year, hopefully one step more next year, and then the Olympics!" She leaves his arms and does a pirouette before collapsing onto his bed.

He follows suit, laughing the entire time. He doesn't know when he remembers Tessa this happy, this carefree. They've both been feeling the stress and pressure coming into this Worlds and he knows that the pain she's been experiencing in her legs recently is bothering her more than she's letting on.

"We make a good team." He interlaces his fingers with hers.

"We do!" She rolls over and somehow, maybe because she misjudges the distance or that the description of this bed as a double was blatant false advertising, she ends up on top of him. She buries her head in his chest and laughs so loud that he can feel it beat through him.

"This isn't usually how I envision this." For a second he thinks that he was the one to say it, he's definitely thinking it, but it was in a decidedly Tessa voice.

"Me either." Their eyes meet and in that moment he knows that something is going to happen, they're finally going to talk about whatever is between them, or maybe finally _do_ something about whatever's between them.

"We match," she says softly, nodding down towards the silver medals they have yet to take off which are lying beside each other over his heart.

"We do." He squeezes her hand and she smiles at him. He thinks, not for the first time, that she's the most gorgeous person he's ever seen. "You're so beautiful, Tessa." He traces a finger down her cheek.

She goes slightly red, "It's probably just the shine from the medal."

He shakes his head and takes the medal from around her neck. "No, just you."

She mimics the gesture and then places a kiss at the corner of his lips. "You're perfect."

He's about to say something but she puts her finger over his lips and then meets them with her own. The kiss is so _Tessa_ , it's soft and sweet and strong and powerful, there's an addictive quality to it that makes you feel like it could take over your entire life. The kiss deepens, one of her hands is in his hair and the other is under his shirt and she's making this _sound_ at the back of her throat that is causing his brain to short-circuit. There's only one place he sees this going. 

"Is this ok? Do you want, do you have?" She looks flustered and he doesn't know if it's because she's nervous or just as affected by all of this as he is.

"Are you sure? You like to plan, and this, this isn't planned."

"It's ok. It's us." She seems very sure of herself all of a sudden. "I want this. I want _you_."

If he wasn't so caught up with all of this he would probably run through the hotel shouting at the top of his lungs that Tessa Virtue wants him. He has some stupid smile on his face he can tell. "I want you too, always have."

"Always?" There's a hopeful note to her voice.

"Yeah, always," he kisses her and thinks that this is probably the best day of his existence.

 

Tessa is curled up under Scott's arm and running a finger over his abs (for, um, science or something) when she notices the time on his watch. She sits up and starts grabbing her clothes, "I need to go!"

Scott is actually pouting. "Do you have to?"

"I promised my mom I'd skype her, she's probably freaking out."

"I'm sure she'd understand that you were celebrating."

She starts to laugh as her light jumper gets stuck going over her head, Scott pulls it down for her. "Is that what we're calling it?"

He looks up at her almost shyly, "What do you think we should call it? I mean, what do you think about all of, uh, this?"

Tessa has so many thoughts that her brain won't stop whirring. "Um, I don't know yet. I- I- I'm happy it happened." She doesn't know what it means in the long-term but she's sure of that.

He smiles at her widely and her head feels like it's full of stars. "I'm happy it happened too."

She slips on her shoes. "I really have to go. I'll see you for breakfast in the morning. Eight in the lobby?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

She leans over and kisses him. She could get very used to doing this and she's not sure if that's a good thing.

He grins and rests his forehead on hers. "I was talking about this." He hands her the silver medal.

She blushes. "Oh, right, of course."

"I like that way of saying goodbye. I'll see you bright and early for breakfast."

She gets up and does some kind of awkward half-wave at his door. "Good night, Scott." She stops for a minute with her back against his door as she hears him call out, "Sweet dreams." She decides to take the stairs rather than the elevator to lessen her chances of running into anyone. It's not as if she needs the exercise (ugh, that was such a Scott joke).

She's about five steps up when it starts. The searing pain in her lower legs has never been this bad, or this sudden. It's always happened when she was skating or just after, never doing something so mundane. She clings onto the banister so hard that her hands start to hurt too. Hot tears rush down her cheeks and she wishes that she had her phone with her to call Scott so that he could help her up. In a rush all these thoughts come to her about whether this is some sort of punishment for breaking whatever unspoken rules they had about not letting anything happen between them for the sake of their skating. She tries to tell herself that she's being ridiculous, but all she can really concentrate on is the pain. She lowers herself down and cries.

Somehow, eventually, she makes it up the stairs and into her room. The pain is duller now but it hasn't gone away. She calls her mom, but there's nothing she can say to make this any better. Her mom stays up with her until they both start to fall asleep. Her dreams are full of Scott, of having him and losing him. She sleeps fitfully, waking up to bouts of pain and tears.

She doesn't realise it's morning until she hears Scott at her door. "Tess, we were meant to meet downstairs an hour ago. Rise and shine, sleeping beauty! I'm using my key, ok?"

A quick glance in the mirror is enough to confirm her suspicions that she looks as blotchy and tear-stained as she feels.

Scott rushes to her side, "Tess, what's wrong?" He wraps his arms around her and she burrows into him.

"My legs, they hurt so much."

"It's not usually like this, is it?" He looks so worried.

"No, it's never been this bad. It started last night and it hasn't gone away. It always goes away."

"You should have called me, I- I should be here for you."

"I was talking to my mom, and she started talking about doctors and surgeries and resting... and, and what if this is it? What if I can't skate? What if I've ruined it all?"

"You could never ruin anything," he says fiercely. "It's going to be ok, we'll go see a doctor when we get back and we'll get you better. You're going to get better, Tess." He seems so young as he tells her this.

Scott wipes away her tears with his thumb. He's staring at her so intensely that she has to lower her gaze but then all she sees are his lips and she can't focus on them. She wants to kiss him, she wants to lose herself in him, to forget about all of this, but she can't. "About last night... I think maybe we should leave that for a while. Talk about it some other time. Right now I think we need to focus on skating and..."

He kisses her hair. "Whatever you need."

"I just need you here," she mumbles into his chest. He strokes her hair as she continues to sob and think about how she can't lose him, how she needs to keep skating so that they can win, how they need to keep skating so that they'll be together, how she can't risk messing this up. She needs him.

 

They don't talk about what happened. They get caught up with doctors and decisions. Retirement or surgery? For Tessa there's only one choice so they settle into recovery and a fight to get ready for the Olympics. There's no time to think about anything else, all that matters is Vancouver. But the pain hasn't gone away so there's another surgery, but that still doesn't work. Retirement becomes the only choice and with it comes separation and a new and different pain.

So they don't talk about Gothenburg.

But they remember it.

 

_I thought heaven can't help me now_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_But this is gonna take me down_

 

Cup of Russia, November 2013

Tessa giggles as Kaitlyn attempts to surreptitiously slip the complimentary mini bottles of vodka that are lying all over their table at the banquet into her handbag. After the ridiculous scoring Kaitlyn isn't much in the mood for partying with Russians so they're going to have their own get together in her room which will probably consist of them discussing their respective partnerships and getting progressively tipsier.

They head over to the bar where Scott and Andrew are sipping on beers rather mournfully. Andrew seems to be taking the weekend's events worse than Kaitlyn while Scott is worried about what the network are going to say after he dropped the f-bomb on seeing his friends' short dance score.

She puts a hand on his shoulder. "Kaitlyn and I are going up to her room. I'll see you later, ok?"

"Are you sure? You did stay there the last two nights. I'm starting to think I'm not your only friend with benefits," he winks.

Kaitlyn had been upset after both dances so Tessa had stayed with her - the first night to get her ready for the free and the second to prevent her from going out and attacking some judges. "You can come get me."

"Seriously though, it's no problem if you want to spend time with her."

She leans over so that her dress falls just a little bit lower and whispers in his ear, "Tonight I want to spend time with you." She taps his thigh and leaves.

Kaitlyn shakes her head slowly when Tessa reaches her at the door.

"Was I really obvious?"

"I don't think anyone else was looking, but I've seen subtler lap dances."

Tessa bristles, "It wasn't that bad! Anyway, where have you been watching lap dances?"

Kaitlyn winks, "Wouldn't you like to know? So I guess you won't be staying in my room again tonight?

"No, unless you want to stay somewhere else and Scott comes to visit me," Tessa teases.

"I think I'll pass. I brought pillows from home, I wouldn't like them to be exposed to anything."

"What would they be exposed to? Two friends discussing their commentary careers?"

Kaitlyn snorts. She lowers her voice even though they're alone in the elevator. "Please, your response to jet lag was to have shower sex, what are you going to be like after two nights apart?"

"It's not that big a deal! We've only had sex like three times, we're not seeing each other or anything."

Kaitlyn raises her eyebrows. "There is so much wrong with that I don't even know where to begin. _Three times_? I've _heard_ the dirty details." Tessa has the distinct impression that her friend isn’t on board with her description of her relationship with Scott.

"Well, three separate occasions then. And you asked for those details!"

She smirks as she lets them into her room. "I did, didn't I?" She throws one of the mini bottles to Tessa. "I'm hoping to get some more out of you now."

"I don't know if there's that much more to tell." Kaitlyn had been quite insistent on being told everything, she had informed her that she needed to live vicariously through someone.

"There's always more to tell." She takes a sip from her drink. "Vodka is one thing the Russians do well," her tone darkens, "that and inflated scores for their home teams."

Tessa sits down on the bed beside her and pats her hand. "It's just one competition, everyone knows to take the results here with a pinch of salt. You'll be miles ahead at GPF."

"Yeah, but the Olympics are here. It's not as if we're getting any younger. What if we don't do well and Andrew wants to retire? What if our career's over, if _we're_ just over?" She lies down. "Everything was looking so great in 2012, we had that amazing free in Nice and finally won that Worlds bronze..."

Tessa cuts in, "You should have finished higher there too."

"It all looked like things were going great , and then I injured my leg last year and Katia and Dima won their Worlds medal and we came fourth, which is really the worst place to finish and now... Wait, doesn't that sound a bit like you and Scott, just a place lower each time? Maybe we'll get a silver in Sochi." She laughs a little and wipes her eye. "Then we can start commentating together and become friends with benefits, it will all work out."

Tessa flops down beside her. "You don't want to end up like me and Scott. You conveniently skipped over the not talking to each other for three years part."

"Yeah, that's not exactly what I'm going for. But hey, look at all the hot sex you're having now!"

Tessa laughs. "That part is pretty stellar. But, you know what I was like when we weren't talking. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Having someone be everything in your life and then just be gone..." She takes a swig from her bottle, coughing a little, and wonders how many Kaitlyn managed to pilfer.

"I don't think I could cope. I just... I can't imagine it. Have you two talked about it? Or about what you're doing now?"

"No, and no. It's just sex, there's nothing to talk about."

Kaitlyn turns her head with an amused expression on her face. "You keep telling yourself that, honey. Now, tell me more about this just sex."

"I really think we've covered most of it," she protests.

"Tessa, I live with my ridiculously handsome dance partner. I see him shirtless in the apartment that we share. I see him coming out of the shower. I see him helping old ladies. I see him cook me dinner. I don't see us having lots of sex, casual or otherwise. You, my dearest friend, are doing whatever you're doing with your partner. You are an inspiration to sexually frustrated ice dance girls everywhere and need to share your story."

"Ice dance really fucks you up, doesn't it?" She moves her legs a little.

"Tessa Virtue swearing?! We need to get you drinking vodka more often!" Kaitlyn laughs before quieting, "But yeah, it does."

She mightn't be able to fix any of Kaitlyn's ice dance problems, but she can at least tell her some salacious stories. "Give me some more vodka, we might be here for a while."

 

"So..." Scott says as he watches Andrew tear a beer mat into smaller and smaller pieces. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." He sighs. "It's not just me, is it? I'm not being a sore loser, those scores were ridiculous, right?"

"You were robbed. Those short dance scores were screwed up and a score that high for such a messy free? Only in Russia."

"I'm worried about what it means for the Olympics. We want to be on that podium and I don't know if it can happen even if we skate our best." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, this is insensitive. I know you'd love to be able to compete if you could."

Scott pats him on the back. "It's ok. That's just the way things turned out. It doesn't mean that what you're going through isn't difficult too."

"Do you remember us back in Kitchener as kids and all the plans we had to be on World and Olympic podiums together? I always knew you and Tessa could do it but it wasn't until after you left and I started skating with Kaitlyn that I really believed that I could too."

"We just missed each other I guess." Kaitlyn and Andrew's career hadn't really taken off until after their retirement.

"Yeah, but we're finally going to do Stars on Ice together this summer, so at least that's something," Andrew smiles.

"I'm looking forward to going back on tour."

"Hopefully you and Tessa will have dropped the 'friends with benefits' bullshit and be engaged or whatever by then. I don't get it, man."

Scott doesn't really get it either.

"You and Tessa? Friends with benefits?" Scott and Andrew turn to find Igor behind them. "I don't understand."

Scott shoots Andrew a dark look. "Well, it means..."

Igor puts up his hand. "I understand the concept. I don't understand how you and Tessa could ever just be friends."

Andrew lifts his bottle and toasts Igor. "You should always listen to your coach, Scotty."

"Thanks for the advice, _Andy_ ," Scott mutters as Andrew moves one seat down so that Igor can take a place between them.

Igor narrows his eyes. "Now, Scott, is this how I raised you? To have some relationship that is just about sex with your partner?"

"It wasn't my idea! It's... complicated." Scott runs a hand through his hair with a scowl.

"It's you and Tessa, of course it's complicated, but it's also really simple. You two were meant to be together." Andrew nods sagely. "If I were in your shoes I would be locking that down."

Igor nods too, "Yes, putting a ring on it."

Scott can't wait to tell Tessa that Igor quoted Beyoncé. His phone buzzes.

_When are u coming??!! Did u see my BRA? Its verrrry niiiiice._

"Um, I should probably go check on Tessa."

"Yeah, I just got a text from Kaitlyn. I think they might be a little under the weather," Andrew echoes as they both get up.

Igor shakes both of their hands, "Good luck. You too, Andrew."

"That was nice of him to wish me luck with skating," Andrew comments as they head towards the elevators.

He rolls his eyes, "He wasn't talking about skating, you idiot."

"What? But Kaitlyn and I are just friends." Scott gives him a look.

"We're still competing. We're friends," he repeats, shuffling his feet.

"How do you two live together anyway?" He feels every bit as incredulous as he sounds - he could not do what he and Kaitlyn do with Tessa.

Andrew rests his head on the elevator wall. "We're mature and responsible adults. I hate it."

They reach Kaitlyn's floor and Andrew leads the way to her room, although the loud singing of "Don't Rain on my Parade" coming from it would have made its occupants pretty obvious.

Andrew knocks and calls out, "It's me and Scott," before letting them in. Scott remembers the days of spare keys.

They're greeted with the sight of Tessa spinning around with her dress falling down (the bra, which is blue and white and lacy, is indeed _very nice_ ) and Kaitlyn tap-dancing in bunny slippers.

"Scott!" Tessa throws her arms around him. "I thought you were never going to come. I missed you," she whispers in his ear.

"I missed you too." He tries to retie the halter neck at the back of her dress.

"I don't know why you're bothering, you're just going to have to take it off anyway," Tessa says airily, leaning into him. "It's only Kaitlyn and Andrew, and Kaitlyn helped me pick it out online so I had to show it to her and it's not as if Andrew has any interest in what _I've_ got going on."

They turn as one to look at Andrew handing Kaitlyn a glass of water and trying to fix her hair. "You two had fun then, " he smiles looking between his partner and Tessa.

"We always have fun together," Kaitlyn proclaims.

Tessa leaves his arms and sits beside Kaitlyn, putting her head on her shoulder. "We're best friends. I love you."

Kaitlyn looks at her wide-eyed and serious, "I love _you_."

"So what did you two get up to?" Scott asks.

"We talked," Tessa shrugs, "and then we danced and sang."

"What did you talk about?" Andrew questions, clearly highly amused.

"Oh, you know, ice dance, injuries, _stuff_."

"I hear you're very good with your tongue, Scott." Kaitlyn says matter-of-factly.

Tessa hits her arm." _Kaitlyn_! Don't give him a big head, I don't want him getting complacent."

Andrew is doubled over.

"Ok, I think it's time for you to go to bed," Scott takes Tessa's hands and pulls her up gently.

"I totally agree," she winks at Kaitlyn who gives her a thumbs up.

Andrew hasn't stopped chuckling which is making it difficult for him to pour more water. "I'll see you two tomorrow," he manages to get out.

Tessa turns around, "Remember what I told you, Kaitlyn." She looks pointedly between her friend and Andrew and then slaps the wall and winks again.

"Good night, everyone," Scott says hurriedly, dragging her out the door.

"Are we going to my room now?" She kisses his jaw.

"We are." He takes her bag from her so that he can get out her key while keeping one arm securely around her.

She's staring up at him. "You're so handsome. So, so gorgeous. I probably deserve some kind of prize for controlling myself around you for as long as I did. Those early Grand Prixs were hard work." She squeezes his ass as he lets them into her room.

She's all over him before the door is even closed and he's impressed that she can undo the button of his shirt in the state she's in. He lifts her hands and kisses her forehead. "Tessa, we're not going to do this tonight."

"But why? Don't you want to?"

"You're drunk," he reminds her gently.

"I still know what I want! You wouldn't be taking advantage of me, if anything, I'd be taking advantage of you."

He shakes his head and takes a step back. "Another time, I promise. You get ready for bed." He goes to the dressing table to pour her a glass of water.

Tessa sighs dramatically and undoes her dress with the flick of a wrist, letting it fall down to her feet and stepping out of it gracefully. "I bought this underwear specially you know."

He hands her the glass of water and tries to avoid staring too much. She takes a sip before leaving the glass on her bedside locker and picking up an oversized t-shirt from under her pillow.

"You can turn around now," she says imperiously as she unhooks her bra.

Grinning, he does as he's told. "Tessa, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

"You're not allowed to see me with my bra off if you're not going to do anything about it." Her voice becomes muffled and then clear again, "You can turn back around now."

She has her arms crossed. "Can I go to bed now?"

"You know you'll complain in the morning if you don't take off your make-up," he tells her as he guides her towards the ensuite.

"You're so demanding tonight," she complains. "And not in the way I'd like," she adds under her breath.

He tries to hold in his laughter. Tessa brightens up as she babbles in the bathroom about how pretty her new eye shadow is and how someone really needs to take Katia Bobrova aside because her makeup isn't doing her any favours. He sits on her bed and smiles. He could listen to her all day.

"Moisturising is very important. Do you moisturise? Your skin is so soft."

"The people at the station gave me something do take off the camera makeup with, I don't know." He rubs his cheek self-consciously.

She comes out of the bathroom and does a twirl. "All ready for bed!"

He stands up and hugs her. "Good night, Tess. I'll see you in the morning."

He goes to leave but she's still holding onto his hand. "It's really cold in Russia."

He's confused.

"Maybe you should stay here. For warmth."

For all they've done, they haven't strictly slept together before. "Are you sure?"

She nods and kisses him softly on the cheek before leaving his side and getting into bed. He undresses himself in something of a daze and turns off the light before climbing in beside her.

"Why haven't we done this before?" he asks as she nestles herself under his arm.

"I don't know," she yawns. "You might get the wrong idea. I might get the wrong idea."

"What idea would that be?"

"Go to sleep, Scotty," she whispers and kisses him, just above his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking that all my fellow Taylor Swift fans knew exactly what was coming when they read the chapter title ;)  
> I laughed so hard when I saw the wall section in "Say It Right" because I've had that NHK part planned from almost the start, it was even foreshadowed in the last chapter. Sean Cheeseman, stealing all my ideas. 
> 
> Thanks to the awesome icedancedreamer for being a fantastic editor and friend.


End file.
